The Village Idiot
I’ve always prided myself on being a great speller.
I’ll admit, I can get crazy with the cheese whiz commas and I don’t even know some pretty basic stuff like what the hell “…” is technically called. It’s always been “dot dot dot” to me.
But, god damn it, I can spell some shit.
I mean, I won a spelling bee. Once. Yes, it was kindergarten and yes there were like 20 kids in the class. But, still, I fucking smoked that bitch with C-A-T.
With that said, sometimes I forget how to spell the dumbest, most basic words. Like, so dumb, I am embarrassed to give you examples dumb.
Like just now, in the previous sentence, I misspelled the word embarrassed.
But then the spell-check-know-it-all-asshole that lives in my computer was all, “Hey, you stupid hooker, YOU should be EMBARRASSED that you don’t know how to spell the word EMBARRASSED.”
There are certain words that I will never know for sure. I will never type and/or write them without doubting myself. Total mental defect.
Thankfully, in my internet world, I can be a total dumb ass and no one but me and the spell-check-know-it-all-asshole is aware.
But, shit you guys, I desperately need a spell check in the for real world.
You know, some sort of an application in my brain that prevents me from, I dunno, hanging THIRTY poster boards like this one ALL OVER my neighborhood:
How EMBARASSING! (Shut up spell check. It’s called a pun. Asshole.).
*I ended up finding the dogs’ owner. He was a total A-S-S.