Part Two: Someone Slap An Unaccompanied Minor Sticker On This Bitch.

Part Two: Someone Slap An Unaccompanied Minor Sticker On This Bitch.

Click to read Part One: And Then She Began To Whistle. _ _ _ Where were we? Oh, yeah. My kids began melting and quickly, convinced we were going to miss Christmas and that it was all my fault. Naturally my response was a … Continue reading

My Vacation Bucket List: With and Without Kids

Maybe its because I’m eight months pregnant and taking a walk to my mailbox feels like travel to me, but its seems all I’ve done lately is dream of fun vacations to faraway places.

Most of the time, these dreams exclude the members of my family who still poop their pants, but sometimes one will creep in that includes them in my grand plans.

So, without further adieu, I present to you my vacation bucket list, with and without the little ones.

Top Five Dream Vacations Without Kids

Morocco I have wanted to visit this fabulous country for so many years now. And, after watching The Real Housewives of New York take Marrakech by storm, I feel a sudden sense of urgency to get over there now. First, to apologize, and then to be grateful for my surroundings and soak them all in.

African Safari I think most kids dream of going on an African safari. I know I sure did. And I still do. I’m a huge animal lover, as in I love animals more then people, so it would be an absolute dream to have monkeys swinging in the trees outside my African hut. And by hut I mean luxury resort, of course.

Cuba Have you watched The Buena Vista Social Club? I have and it made me want to visit Cuba that much more. The music, the people, the arts, the culture….I could go on and on. No, it’s not the easiest place to get to from here, but I think it’s well worth the detour.

New Zealand Now, maybe this is an urban legend, but I once heard that New Zealand is some sort of utopia. Beautiful scenery and good people, not to mention that a short trip in any direction will lead you to an entirely different climate. “Guys, I’m totally sick of snow skiing, let’s head to the beach,” is enough for New Zealand to make it onto my super exclusive list.

The Pacific Northwest Road Trip I would love to fly into California and take a drive up the coast, straight into Canada. The drive must be breathtaking and there are so many great cities to check out along the way. And Canada, well, it’s about time I visit our neighbors to the north.

*Honorable Mentions: Australia, Beirut, Napa, Italy

Top Five Dream Vacations With Kids

San Diego As if the zoo wasn’t reason enough to make the trek to San Diego, there’s Lego Land. I’d guess that Lego Land for Lego-loving kids is the equivalent to Napa for wine-loving moms. Throw in Sea World, the beach, and a stick of Zinc and I’m in.

Disney World My name is Allison and I’ve never been to Disney World. Gasp, I know. If you are reading this, Mom, I forgive you, and you can make it up to me by joining us…and babysitting the kids while we go out at night.

Costa Rica This one jumped back and forth between the two categories, ultimately landing on the “with kids” list. Beautiful scenery and fantastic outdoor fun make Costa Rica seem like the ultimate family adventure! Or, if you are me, probably some sort of cast.

Hawaii I went to Hawaii on my honeymoon. It was amazing, despite the fact that I fractured my knee the first morning there while walking to the pool. I am dying to go back and relax for a week or so with my two little island kids. My only apprehension is handling these two kids on the long flight. I can barely handle myself.

New Orleans One of my favorite cities on earth and now it’s my kids’ turn to experience its magic. Luckily for me, it’s not too far away. I sense a weekend trip in the near future. I can already see, hear, feel, and taste it!

*Honorable Mentions: Yellowstone, Grand Canyon, Chicago, Niagara Falls

And there you have it.

Reading back over my vacation bucket list, I feel two things. One, excited at the thought of getting to visit even one of these fabulous places. And, two, so relieved that I am currently writing this in pajamas, from my own bed. Because, after all is said and done, there’s really no place like home.

Now, it’s your turn to daydream.

What’s on your vacation bucket list?

Four years and counting…

My husband and I have been together for seven years now.

We have been married four years today!

We had many fun adventures together before we were married (mawwied? yes, mawwied!). Hopping on planes,  traveling across the country for nights of great music and camping.

Vacations were easy then. Carefree. We didn’t have to worry about babysitters or, “OMG what if something happens and we don’t make it back home.”  This meant I could devote all my time waiting for my husband to fall asleep so I could take funny pictures of me harassing him.

Finally, after living in sin together in our cute little rental, the question was popped.

Spoiler alert.

I said yes!

I made him pose for cheesy couple pictures with me, which is so not his thing!!

I  tried to put into words just how much he means to me.  It was not easy.

On March 11th, of 2006, the big day arrived. Both of us taking on our usual roles. Him, the strong, silent and loving one. Me, the loud, loud and loud one (and very happy!).

We didn’t want a traditional wedding. We didn’t plan on a first dance.  Thankfully, our band surprised us with one. They played “What a Wonderful World”, and we danced. And I bawled. And it was so perfect. My world was wonderful because he was mine. And legally so, sucka!

We should have been off to Hawaii for our honeymoon the day after our wedding.  We missed our flight and had to stay an extra night in Houston. We refused to go back home, opting to check into a hotel and fly out the next day. We laughed it off and made the best of it. We were together.

We finally made it to Hawaii the next day. Precisely one day before I cracked my kneecap in half walking to the pool climbing a mountain.

He spent a week pushing me around the resort in a wheelchair, which I kind of liked because I am one lazy bitch.  I still wore my sexy honeymoon lingerie.  And though my strut was more of a hobble and, well, there were the crutches, it was perfect. We were together.

Oh, and I got us a shit ton of Vicodin for our vacation. Score!

Married life before we had our precious baby boy was so simple. We were still able to jet away to Mexico or Vegas to party with our friends. And laugh at them when they passed out from having too much to drink.

We decided to have a baby.  I got pregnant right away. I was thrilled and terrified.  I miscarried a month later.  My husband was amazing.  He was everything I needed.

Except for a baby.

We got pregnant again the very next month! I was thrilled and terrified. And, apparently, I blamed everything on George W. Bush.

I began having contractions at 27 weeks. I was in the hospital for 3 days and at home under house arrest for 10 weeks.  I had a subcutaneous IV in my thigh, which delivered medicine to slow my contractions. I pretty much would have gone insane without my husband there. I thought this was the worst thing in the world. Did I really want to be a mom? I was not sure why I was even doing it.  Until I met him….

Then I realized I would have walked through hell and back to get to that moment.

I will never forget my husband’s face the first time he met our son.  He said to him, “Hey buddy!!!” with so much joy in his voice and such a smile on his face, I thought his head would explode. It takes my breath away and makes me cry to this day when I hear that “Hey buddy” in my head. My son is so lucky to have him as a daddy.

Ten days after that perfect day, the worst thing in the world happened. I lost four of the most important people in my life.

I have no idea how I would have made it through this without my husband. Amazing husband + Zoloft = you will survive, yo. He just has a way of calming me down. His presence alone does it. No words are really needed.

Putting up with me is not always easy. I am dramatic. I am stubborn. I can be really defensive. I talk way too much. I leave cabinet doors  and drawers open all over the house. I am crazy disorganized and a total scatterbrain. I have panic attacks on airplanes. Then I drink too much on said airplane.  I am pretty much like having a second child sometimes.

But, hey, when I fuck up,  I bake things like this.

Sometimes I embarrass him. I am loud. I say inappropriate things. It’s sometimes hard for me to be serious. I will also cop a feel any chance I get.

We sure have made ourselves a beautiful little family. I love us so much. I can’t believe this is my life.

Eventually, I do want to add to it. But, not quite yet. I want to enjoy this. The right now. It will never be the three of us again.

I love my husband way more than I think he knows. I hope I tell him enough. I mean, I tell him I love him all the time, but do I show it like I did in the beginning?  The sweet things I used to do for him daily seem to get put on the back-burner way too often.  And it’s not because I don’t want to do them, but because I am still figuring out this crazy mom/wife/me juggling act. Cliché, much?

When I first met my husband, an overwhelming feeling of peace came over me. It was hard to explain.

Our dog, Greta, used to do this thing.  At the end of the day she would jump on the bed, curl up in a little bawl and let out a deep sigh of contentment, as if she was thinking, “Thank God I made it here.”

This is how I was finally able to explain how my husband made me feel.  I told him once that he made me do the “Greta sigh”.

We had our wedding bands engraved when we got married. Mine says, “Even breathing felt…”, and his says, “Like something new.”


Thank God I made it here.