Stinson Beach: Day 2/3

Over the last few months, I often wondered how you know when you’re really over someone. Because it’s easy to fool yourself on a good day, only to feel sad again on a bad one. Yesterday I woke up a year … Continue reading

For You…Our Sweet Sue

Five years gone.

Five birthdays missed.

I keep having to do the math.

Then, do the math again.

And, then again.

Since I suck at math, I keep convincing myself that I’m simply adding up the years all wrong.

Because, it’s just not possible that they’ve been gone for this long already.

But, they have.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think about them. That’s something that will never change.

But, I often fear, the longer they’re gone from this world, that others will stop remembering them. This makes my stomach hurt in a way I can’t explain.

Not too long ago, I came across my wedding video. I thought about how fun it would be for Luca to watch his parents celebrate the love that brought him into the world.

So, I popped some popcorn and popped in the video.

And, there they were.

Susie, in her bright blue dress.

Vivi, our flower-girl, in her poofed-out princess ensemble.

The boys, in their crisp, white guayaberas.

All of them were so alive.

Before I pressed play, I hadn’t even thought about the fact that they were such a huge part of our day, so when I saw them it took my breath away.

I would give anything to rewind these last five years the way I did that video.

When you left us, Susie, my biggest fear was that, one day, I’d forget the sound of your soft, kind voice.

Thankfully, that hasn’t happened.

I remember the sound of all of you.

I guess some things are etched so deeply in the heart that they’re impossible to forget.

Sadly, with Leo being so sick, I had to miss your birthday lunch for the first time.

But, there was no way in hell I was about to let this day pass without celebrating you.

While the boys were busy feeding their dinner to the dogs, I quietly crept out the back door holding fifteen bright orange balloons.

You loved orange.

I held onto them for quite a while, scared to let go…scared to feel…scared for another year to begin.

But, finally, they slipped from my hands and floated away. I stood watching them until the disappeared.

Keep an eye out, sweet Susie, they’re making their way to you now.

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Happy Birthday, dude.


You are loved by so many.

Happy Birthday Vivi!

Vivi would have turned ten yesterday.

Yet, time stopped short for her and, in my mind, she is still four years old.

Yesterday, Vivi was celebrated where she rests.

Her grandparents released balloons for her into the sky.

And, I know they reached her.

She adored flowers, especially bluebonnets.

They matched her eyes.

Susie would take the kids every year, letting them run through the fields that were filled with them.

And, yesterday, on her 10th birthday, this was sprouting up in their memorial.

Thank you, sweet Vivi.

Happy Birthday.

I know you are celebrating something fancy.

And, we are always celebrating you.

Love you, sweet girl.

Tia Ali