Halloween: Trick or Treat? If You’re An American Mommy, The Answer is Definitely TRICK.
Last week, Luca wanted to be this for Halloween:
So, like the naive sucker I am, I bought it for him. Even with my husband telling me to hold off, that he would undoubtedly change his fickle, four year old mind.
And, of course the little punk has changed his mind. Hopefully, early enough that I’ll still get my money back for the feminine King Cobra I purchased him.
If not, Luca will just have to go to sleep hungry for the next few weeks.
Take it like a man, buddy.
Now, Luca is hell-bent on the entire family dressing up as Superheroes.
I love this idea, so I got to work.
First, I found my husband’s costume…
Fingers crossed it fits his package, in a way that won’t have his name added to the Neighborhood Sex Offender Registry.
Then, I got Luca’s costume all squared away…CUTE!
Next up, I set out to look for a superhero costume for me, anticipating that a quick Google search would do the trick…
And, it did do the trick, if I want to be a trick…ass-ho, that is.
Why do you hate clothes?
All I want to do is take my kid trick or treating, without anyone trying to slip dollar bills and Tootsie Roll Pops in my garter belt.
Luca was sitting next to me, as I searched for my costume, and immediately zoomed in on one in particular, shouting, “MOMMY! YOU HAVE TO PICK THIS ONE!”
Luca, that’s lovely, but I think mommy might be cold in that. It’s a little..ahem…drafty.
Finally, I was able to find myself a superhero costume that won’t have my son’s friends chanting, “Luca’s mommy’s a huge whore,” at him during recess.
As for Leo, I haven’t decided if I’ll buy him a superhero costume, as well, or just stick to the original plan, and have him be the rogue owl of the family.
One thing’s for sure….
Nobody will fuck with the Zapata Family this Halloween.