Dating after divorce has to be one of the most comical experiences I’ve encountered to date. I say this only because it makes me cry less. I’ve been divorced for under a year, yet I’ve witnessed more than most soldiers on the front line. In fact, I’m seriously considering writing a book about dating. Between Tinder and Facebook and friends fixing me up, I have more material than Encyclopedia Britannica A-Z.
Today I outlined my first draft. It’s in the very early stages and extremely premature, but it will probably look a little something like this.
Chapter One: Well, that escalated quickly.
Chapter Two: Thank God I was on my period.
Chapter Three: I’m sorry, but I can’t swipe right if your name is Fabio.
Chapter Four: When “Self-employed and Loving it” is an acronym for jobless.
Chapter Five: How long must I wait to point out you’re grammatical errors?
Chapter Six: I sneezed and accidentally Super-Liked you. My Bad. Carry on.
Chapter Seven: You had me at, “Really, though, you and I will only ever be friends with benefits.”
Chapter Eight: You don’t go to church, so you’re already going to hell. Perfect, then, let’s make-out.
Chapter Nine: I like birds, too. The Eagles — the band. HEY-OH!
Chapter Ten: I live with my mom but she’s not that strict and might even buy us wine coolers.
The bright side is there’s only around 17,050 more chapters to go and it’s basically writing itself.