I finally made it up to Hawk Hill yesterday. The weather was amazing, much like my mood. I walked around smiling, spontaneously laughing out loud. I wish someone would have told me all that needed to happen for me to turn that corner was a simple Fuck You.
Just as I began making my way up, three hawks appeared overhead. I must have looked like an addict who had finally gotten her fix – pure joy. I reached the top and headed over to the last place I stood with him.
I braced myself, expecting to feel all kinds of heavy and complex emotions.
But, oddly, I only felt one: relief. I managed to make him disappear.
I breathed in the cool air, let out a laugh and a fist pump, and focused my eyes up to the sky.
Then, I spotted the real hawk-watchers.
Tripping over myself, I ran out of breath running up to them.
I sat with them until their workday was done, listening like a nerded-out student.
Hawk Hill attracts migrating hawks by the thousands by providing a place to rest their overworked wings. The combination of the onshore wind and mountain produces strong updrafts in the air (thermals) which allows them to basically float without flapping. This is also the reason you spot kettles of vultures spinning like a tornado.
This has always fascinated me. Watching them, it’s almost has if they’re suspended in midair for an eternity. It’s one of the few things that truly takes my breath away. Yesterday, they looked like they were almost grinning.
I tried to capture a hawk riding a thermal on video. But, between the strong winds and me geeking out, it’s a little shaky.
I kept trying to make my way back down, but it’s really difficult to leave that place.
FINALLY, though, I made my way down and called for an Uber.
Pick-up location: Hawk Hill
I swung into the grocery store to grab dinner and say hello to the owner who knows my whole life story by now. He’s the best.
I woke up this morning still feeling that lovely relief, along with something else – an odd gratefulness to the boy who broke my heart. The entire thing was brutal and left me lower than I’ve ever been, but it forced me to get to know myself and face some tough questions. All of which I suspect will leave me higher than I’ve ever been.
I’m going to try to return and spend Thanksgiving here and see the last of the hawks off.
I’m heading back up there in a bit to hang out until it’s time to catch my flight home later today. The flight I changed yesterday to the latest possible time, so I can spend as much time there as possible. I can’t wait to hug my babies.
More to come…obviously.
(I have not been editing my posts here, so forgive the many mistakes. I just need to get all this down while it’s fresh in my head.)